Real Housewife of Suffolk

Friday, 24 June 2016

The hardest thing about seeing someone

Since being single I haven't yet been at that "seeing someone" stage.
The closest I got was back in October when I managed 4 dates but no further. And that was fine. It wasn't the right time and looking back, he was a lovely guy but wasn't who or what I need.
The last time I was at the "seeing someone" stage was back when I was 17.
I was young then and it was a lot different to how things are now.
Now, at this age, we are fully aware of responsibilities we have in life, we have other "baggage" to take into account and due to past experiences it's completely different to anything I've been through before.
I think one of the hardest things about seeing someone is that you are putting yourself out there and waiting for the other person to say "yes, I want to be more". It feels like a test and an interview.
I like it, don't get me wrong, but for someone who is self conscious and insecure it is hard to not put pressure on myself to just constantly want to impress someone.
Another thing that is hard, is not jumping straight in there. A friend of mine once said that I tend to jump in with both feet...which is completely true and I know I've made a fool out of myself before because of that.
But I also believe in intuition and right now, something is telling me that I've found someone special. And if it turns out to not work...that will still stand.
But the hardest thing for me, as someone who does like to share their life and is probably a bit to open, is to hold back from shouting out about this amazing person.
I have to keep him to myself for now when really all I want to do is to say "THIS IS HOW HE MAKES ME FEEL" "THIS MAN IS AMAZING".
It's exciting though. Being able to do things with someone, to go out, to hold hands and to know that someone wants to get to know you. A part of me loves keeping that to myself, to not share him, but the other part of me wants everyone to know how happy I am.
I am holding back from jumping in both feet but it's hard. Especially when intuition tells me that this is good. That he is a good. 
I have to be an adult, I have to think about feelings...his and mine...and not rush into it. But I also don't want to hold back if/when it feels like the right thing to do.
I came back from the Isle of Man feeling settled in some ways, and faced a couple of horrid, hard moments too, and in a short amount of time he has fixed and help me feel better about those.
I met him when I wasn't looking my best, which I wouldn't have done before, but something told me I had to. I couldn't let this one go and make excuses.
And I am smiling a lot.
Complaining to him that my cheeks were hurting from smiling and laughing so much.
I feel comfortable and safe with him, despite only knowing him a short time.
Safer than I've felt for a long time.

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

#TT2016 Diary: Instagrammed

I am usually quite "anti-phones" and "anti-social media" when it comes to holidays but when it comes to the TT and visiting the Isle of Man I break my own rule.
I think due to the fact I am away with my brother it's nice for my mum to be able to see what we are getting up to and also for the boys to be able to look at the photos too.

Instagram, for me, seems to be the best form of online photo diary. In fact I think I take more photos using Instagram than the general camera app on my phone.
Looking back at these photos makes me smile so much. Once again I had an amazing experience on this island. Another one I will never forget.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...