Real Housewife of Suffolk

Monday, 18 July 2016

Life Cleanse

When I look at my life at the moment I see it as a lots of tangled pieces and I'm constantly trying to untangle them. To work out what belongs where, what is even needed anymore.

A while ago I wrote a list on my phone of changes I need to make in my life to make it easier and to make me a better person.
That list has sat there for so long, every now and then I look at it and think "right, now I need to put this into practise" and then....I forget about it and go back to my old ways.

I think I've hit this place right now where I need to do something. I need to make changes in my life, I need to simplify things I do, ways I act, my diet, people I have in my life and what I choose to do with my time.

I'm calling this my....

Friendships

Since working I have realised that I try far too hard to impress people. I can be so desperate to be liked and to be a part of things that I give my all and end up looking silly.
I always feel like I need to impress people, like I have to prove myself. I think dating has even shown this to be true as it is what you constantly have to be like. 
I need to realise that people will like me for me or not like me at all. I don't need to put pressure on myself to make people like me, or to try and impress people and chase them for their friendships. 


Meditate

Whenever we have time and whenever possible my mum and I go to a spiritual group. There is a lot of talk their about meditation and I have got a couple of books to look into it.
I think when it comes to my mental health this would be ideal. I've always found a moment to control my breathing and to focus my thoughts works really well and I think being able to set a regular time to do this in my day to day routine (pah! as if I have a routine!) is exactly what I need to balance my mind.


Diet

I have annoyed myself when it comes to my diet, mainly because of how well I did losing 4 stone two years ago. Since then I have remained at the same weight and I know that if I'd continued I would be at that place where I am super happy with my weight and size. 
I want to get back on board with my healthy eating, and as I only have to cook for myself half of the week when the boys are at their dads it should be easy.


Make time

I stopped focusing on myself and my loves a while ago. I became lazy and lost my drive. I need to make time for things I love. My blog, photography, going for walks. Things that make me me instead of going to bed early because it's the easiest option when I am by myself. 
This is one of the biggest things for me I think because it would make my life so much better. I'd be healthier, my blog wouldn't suffer so much and I wouldn't feel so stressed about that and it would give me more to focus my mind on.
With the summer holidays coming up I'm hoping this will be the best time for me to really take a step back from being lazy and to really get out there and do things with the boys and to be the best mummy and person I can be again. 


Clutter

When I moved house I was so strict about chucking away items I didn't need anymore. We seemed to be hoarders (my ex more than me) and so I was proud to move in with not as much junk as I would have previously.
I love nick nacks, candles in particular, and notebooks and tend to hoard little things like that. And although it isn't too bad (in my eyes!) I know that to others it can do. I want to get in the habit of rearranging my stuff a lot so I can go over what is really needed and what isn't. 
My house is quite open plan downstairs and as a result I want(ed) to keep it clean and clutter free although so far thanks to the dining room table my landlady decided to not pick up despite various promises, I haven't been too great at doing the whole clutter free thing.
New plan, work around having the table permanently and find a home for everything. Be it on a shelf, in a cupboard or in the bin!

Tuesday, 12 July 2016

#TT2016 "Best place to hear that kind of news"

I walked from the bike towards the grass. I took my helmet off, removed my jacket and took my phone from my pocket.
I read the message that had been waiting for me on Whatsapp.
Then my phone started to ring. A number appeared, beginning with the area code of my home town. I thought I recognised the following six digits and assuming it was important I answered.
I sat on the grass, bag now on the ground next to me along with my coat and my helmet.
I looked round and saw my brother sorting out his bike and then walking down towards me.

"Is that Mrs Woodward?"
It was my solicitors office.
They informed me that a letter had been returned to them, "no longer at this address" and they asked for my new address.
I told them, thanked them for their call, said goodbye and hung up.

By this point my brother and our other two friends were now sat with us.

"So, my solicitors just called. My decree absolutely came through. I'm officially divorced."
"That's a good thing" my brother replied. And in that moment he made me switch from the shock that I was no longer married. He made me switch from this confused feeling of...well...not knowing what or how to feel.
I instantly looked at him, and looked in front of me at the most beautiful view and knew he was right. 
It wasn't a shock, I knew the decree absolute was coming at some point. But it was that "final" feeling. 
It's done. 
It's over.

I posted on Facebook "Beautiful view. Cold beer. Good company. Then a phone call from the solicitors office. 
Officially divorced" and the responses from friends were enough to make me realise how lucky I was to get that news on this day.

"Best place to hear that kinda of news! Enjoy your beer, the sights and the company xxx"

"Look at it as a sign - you're in a place you love with someone you love. New beginnings and all that xx"

"You are with the best person to hear that news x"

I realised just how obvious and clear it is to people what an amazing person my brother is. 
I made a friend recently on a TT Facebook group and within no time at all he said that it was obvious that my brother is my rock. 

Other moments that week stand out to me. Moments which all involve him, things he said and things he did. Facial expressions, things that made me laugh and things that made me cry. 
Those things are enough to make me wake up to the fact that I might have a marriage behind me, I might not be good enough for any other man but when it comes to my brother...I am good enough. And no matter what, he will be there for me. 

And that's all I need.
That one man guaranteed to put a smile on my face and make me feel better. 

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